Just imagine you had the ability to connect with those you wish to impress. That you could convince them to be open-minded enough to hear you out. How would you feel if you always knew exactly what to say?
Just imagine… Open-minded… How would you feel if…?
These are just a few of the 22 phrases proposed as “magic words” in Phil M. Jones’s Exactly What to Say: The Magic Words for Influence and Impact.
In business and in life, effective communication can sometimes seem like a talent or special skill that’s just out of reach. Have you ever listened to a gifted speaker and wished you could command a room the way they did?
Jones’s little book is designed to help you do just that. As he says in the opening pages, “The worst time to think about the thing you are going to say is in the moment you are saying it. This book prepares you for nearly every known eventuality and provides you with a fair advantage in almost every conversation.”
The trick, according to Jones, is retraining your subconscious to resist go-to phrases that trigger your listener’s subconscious to shut down. That can be as simple as avoiding phrases like “Yeah, but…”
In less than 200 pages (and chapters only three or four pages long), Jones shares his magic words for impact in a quick read that’s easy to reference. Each of the 22 words is presented in a chapter of four parts:
- The “magic words” in question
- The psychology of why a particular phrase works for subconscious communication
- Examples of how to use the magic words for greater (positive) impact
- A brief wrap-up with final thoughts on how to train yourself for exactly what to say
“The worst time to think about the thing you are going to say is in the moment you are saying it.”Phil M. Jones
When Would Be a Good Time to Learn Exactly What to Say?
While much of the book seems geared toward salespeople, many of these pieces of wisdom can be translated to exchanges within any office or home.
Take this one: “When would be a good time to…?”
You can probably close your eyes and hear this exchange: A salesman calls in the evening. You brush him off, saying you don’t have time to talk. He comes back with, “When would be a good time to call again?” Even if you go on to say you’re simply not interested, the phrase triggers something in your subconscious, something that makes you want to answer the question.
“By using the preface, ‘When would be a good time to…?’” explains Jones, “you prompt the other person to subconsciously assume there will be a good time and that no is not an option.”
Such psychology is by no means limited to the sales realm of business, which Jones proves in follow-up examples:
- “When would be a good time for you to take a proper look at this?”
Imagine using this with a busy superior who’s hopping from meeting to meeting and has no time to look at your proposal.
- “When would be a good time to get started?”
Most people understand the frustration of getting a plan or project off the ground when everyone else on the team is busy.
Magic Words in Critical Thinking
Critical thinking is said to be one of the three skills that will keep humans relevant in the age of Industry 4.0. It includes a variety of tools, such as logic trees, to help us solve problems effectively.
But once we’ve come up with a solution to a problem, we need to communicate that solution to people who are not necessarily using critical thinking tools. Brian Cathcart, who teaches the Critical Thinking course at GLOBIS University, says that figuring out what you want to say is only the first step.
“Content and delivery are separate. Critical thinking teaches you how to logically construct and revise your message for a particular audience, but it may not take into account psychological and emotional factors. Humans make many decisions that are not rational. Many of our decisions are made by emotion. Therefore, when you deliver a message, consider the emotional element.”
This is where methods like Jones’s magic words can lend a strategic advantage, mixing psychology with logic.
Multilingual, Multicultural Magic?
The one thing perhaps lacking in Exactly What to Say is a broader multicultural, even multilingual analysis of the phrases presented. English may be a global language, but its development varies from region to region. While “Yeah, but…” may be a universal trigger, longer phrases may not carry so much weight. Communicating with a multilingual team may present different obstacles.
It would be interesting to see how these magic words translate, so to speak.
All in all, Exactly What to Say is well worth a read for anyone looking to improve their communication skills. Simply reading through this quick volume can help you become more aware of what you’re saying, how you tap into the psychology of word choice, and what role your own subconscious plays in communication.